The History of her Weight, Part I
I don’t only want this to be a WL blog, I want it to be for everything, especially my adventures of a stepmother. BUT… I think it’s important, if ANYONE is going to be interested in moi to give a little history behind the weight thang.
I’m one of these girls who thought she was fat when she looked in the mirror but really wasn’t. I was OK until I was about 10, when someone decided to do something to me in a park that made me feel pretty dirty and effed up (it’s ok, I’ve worked through it… I think. Oh and no relation to my family, just some perv who got off tricking and touching little girls). I’m pretty sure that’s the moment I only felt bad about my body and saw ugliness in the mirror.
But like I said. I wasn’t fat or even slightly overweight as a kid. I see pictures of me from high school now… man, I would KILL to be in that body again! I thought I was HUGE! Well, I was bigger than most of my friends… only to find out later that that was because THEY had eating disorders. Can’t win for losing, really.
The first time I really noticed that things were going in the wrong direction I was probably around 20 years old. I lived in Chicago and I was working in an office… getting the office spread as you do… I don’t remember my weight or my size, but I do know that my butt was starting to get wider.
Early in 1990 I moved to Portland to be with my family (and escape psycho boyfriend #387), I had become a vegetarian a few months prior to moving, but had no idea what this meant really. I think I lived on espresso, pasta, rice and brocolli. Oh, and cheese pizza. Yes, Pizza is a weakness. I was skinny though… probably around 135lbs/ 62KG. Really. That’s skinny for me. I remember going to a Depeche Mode concert wearing the coolest little black dress… size 8. Impressive. Well, I was impressed!
I have to mention one thing: I LOVE good food and drink. It’s not like I’m a pig, I’m not an over-eater, I’m not an alcoholic, I just LOVE good food and drink. So, I was young, my money situation was ok, I went out and drank and ate. Slowly but surely weight was creeping on to me.
Something else noteworthy: My mother has joined Weight Watchers about a billion times. She’s always had an issue. I think that has also affected me as far as how “important” weight seems to be. Anyway, fast forward to 1992… my mother was once again fat and so was I, so we joined weight watchers together. I lost 25 lbs /11½ KG then, but didn’t get completely down to goal. I would have, but I took a small break to get married (Here on out referred to as Large Life Mistake Number 1 or LLMN1) and I didn’t go back (honeymoon and all…missed a few weeks and got lazy).
The weight came back. Wow did it ever. I had a lot of stress at the time though. Working, going to school, being married (ugh), even going to the gym… in 1994 I graduated from Portland Community College with all my 25lbs back on, plus another 25 for good measure. A few months later, I moved to the Netherlands, for an expatriate assignment for the company I worked for in Portland.
It took a couple years, but eventually I joined Weight Watchers again in 1999. Prior to this, I quit the job that brought me to NL (to stay here), LLMN1 moved back to the States and we got divorced, I had a new job, new life situation, new boyfriend, new friends… in September 1999 I went to Israel with some friends for holiday and I had my “rock bottom” moment. My bikini (which I had absolutely NO RIGHT wearing, mind you) top was so under the pressure of my huge boobs that it actually broke and shot across the beach. “You know it’s time to lose weight when…”
Late September 1999 I joined Weight Watchers in the Netherlands. Man, I was scared. Up until that time I didn’t really have a lot of socializing with Dutch people. My friend S joined with me. Together we lost weight. A lot of weight. Consistently even. I lost almost every week. I was SO serious about it. 14 months later I reached goal. 27.5 KG gone. That’s 61 lbs for those of you who don’t “do” kilos.
Oh, I might mention here that I did have a very supportive boyfriend, who ended up being Large Life Mistake Number 2. *Sigh* I know. I feel like a real loser, but… whatever, that’s the way it is. My weight started coming back on pretty much around the time that he asked me to marry him. I said “yes” when I should have said “no”. That’s another story though. One that falls under the category “therapy”.
At this time, I was definitely eating and drinking emotionally rather than for enjoyment. It was bad. He left to go work in England. I lost my job. I drank more. I lost a lot of financial security. I had to sell my house. My life pretty much fell apart. That’s why I despise being fat now, because I know it has everything to do with a VERY bad part of my life.
I’m divorced (again), but I’m happy. The one I love (who is really “the ONE” as cheesy as that sounds) and I have been officially together for 2 years in November. We’ve known each other for 3 years already this past July. My being fat is not an issue for him. He thinks I’m the hottest chick that walked the earth.
I want my body to reflect how I feel NOW. I’m happy. I have a good job. OK I don’t have a lot of money, but I have R, the kids, the cats, the fish. I have a cute car (for now), I have a few friends, I’m really OK now. I want a body that says I’m OK.
At the point I am right now, I have around 30KG or 66lbs to lose.
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